i was praying when he was drinking. can i say somehow that sums up us? i remember when he was good. where he wouldnt go out, leaving his naughty past, trying (or atleast i thought) to get closer to god. made me feel like he’s THE man. this isnt how i wanted him to reach out you know. the minute we stopped talking, the minute i imagined how we would be in contact again, i thought he would offer me forever. but he’s drunk. hes still the same. why is he still the same like this.
i figured, it was the alcohol talking. he wasnt man enough to confront his feelings so he needed liquid courage. what a shame. in my mind im convinced hes the man of my dreams, but now hes drunk. yesterday he was in a club. the day before there were girls. how can we ever be together? i ask God to please show me and give me the best but how is God going to bring us closer when this is all he does in his life. Again, i will always lose.
It feels so melancholic to write this, im always so delusional with my expectation of him, i always believed in his potentials rather than his credentials.
so i pray to God
Ya Allah, i want a righteous man deep in deen to guide me as a wife, i want a responsible father who will be a role model for our kids.
it wasnt him. it was liquid courage
