its almost midnight and i have never felt so thin, i didnt eat today. I couldnt, really, i was gagging myself trying to actually puke. I was sitting down with a blank stare, i was rocking myself like when mothers rocked their baby, my heart is empty and all i could feel is the pain inside my body, it has been there for long and no one came to rescue. i was rocking myself, asking myself why can someone you give your whole heart, your whole life, struck a deep knife to you. I can never understand why you would hurt someone you love and you care about, or atleast i thought so.. my heart is growing weaker, all i really want to do was love and be loved, lately i feel like im dying. And it is that deep, this is who my life was supposed to be for, i thought i was born for this soul. But it died before it was even alive
i was rocking myself, crying, folding my legs up with my hand wrapping it, then i heard inside my head, my mum’s voice singing a hymn from when i was a kid, it was more of a sholawat with a most calming tone .. i did not know where it came from really, i talked to god a lot these days.. i was really down under when i heard it in the back of my head. Its been a long time since i was last comforted. Alhamdullilah ya Allah, you reminded me of something so precious and beautiful when i needed it the most.