the idea of going umra really brings me peace, but going umra costs so much, from money, time, companion, it took a whole long process just for you to go to ‘His’ house. you cant do it instantly. my dad told me that god clings/sticks to us, he is every inch of us, he is in our bloodstream, the air that we breathe, our skin, everything we are is everything God is. so i wonder right, i made dua everyday, i made shalawat everyday, i talk to Him everyday, i made sure i apologize for my sins and asks for Him to increase my imaan. surely, He heard me. right?
when i went for umra, the peace there is unmatched. its so crazy that every little corner is just pure bliss and serenity. its so calming. it made you threw away the whole dunya that you had, and you just focus on the present, also your connection with god. when i went for umra, i asked God specifically for things i want, i asked and made dua every single prayer, i made sure He heard me. i prayed in kaaba, i prayed when i kissed kaaba, i wrote my name in jaabal rahma (the mount where adam and hawa reunite), and just generally every mosque and grave i visited i prayed. to be honest, i prayed for a lot of things but theres this exact one thing, where i dont know if god is telling me its not for me (based on the actions and treatments and how it affected me) or He wants me to be patient. but patient for what? cz i definitely did everything i cud and inshaAllah it is enough proof, but thinking abt it, i feel like im hoping from something that doesnt want to ‘clear’ itself,
one night, i said my prayers out loud for the first time asking for guidance. i was feeling so tired, being broken up for two years.. i never let myself be happy, i did not let myself get any form of happiness so i could stay! i could maybe finally get what i thought i wanted. but Allah is the most merciful, he is the ar Rahman wa Rahiim. He is full of love. He is the definition of Love. so Alhamdullilah, inshaAllah he gave me the clearest answer, right infront of my own eyes, on both my ears. La haula wala quwwata illa billah, mashaAllah!!!! ya Allah i trust you with your plan and path.. 🤍
a living proof that you dont have to be in Mecca to get your dua answered.
if i burned up in flames atleast i know i burned trying (&praying !!!)
happy birthday shirin, you are free now
