sometimes the tears are so fucking bad i wish god will take me away. but after many let downs and many disrespects i couldnt bring myself to go another round of survival mode. i think i deserve a little love, i deserve a big hug for what i went through since july 2022 till september 2024, i think i deserve a little bit of compassion, from anywhere. its true i shouldnt wear my suffering like a badge of honor, eventhough i do think that my loyalty and love deserves a badge. ive just been wrong on who to give it to. inshaAllah inshaAllah i will take even more than what i have given, what someone wasted could be what someone cherished the most. im so sorry you had to miss out on my big heart, that even after everything that went through, you still feel like you are not man enough to know that it is infact, in your hands. you can drink your whole life away, you can dance the night away, you can run anywhere but whatever and wherever and whoever, deep in your heart you know what you did to me. im not the one who broke and left, not the one who made mistakes, not the one who repeatedly made mistakes, not the one who was careless with actions, not the one sinning over and over again (broke my heart twice with this one cz you were never the guy i was so proud of, the guy i made prayer for) instead i was just here the whole time, quiet, shying away from everyone, closing & pulling myself in, fought the battles in silence, cried dry tears.. is it really worth it?
its ok. its gonna be ok. what i thought was gonna hurt just for a little while, for maybe days, or weeks, or months, turned to years. honestly its so funny cz everyone is so confused on why im still here!!!! i asked myself EVERYDAY that same question!!!! isnt it tiring? the hollowness i mustve felt every single minute waiting and yearning for the same damn thing for years but it doesnt get any better? only for you to tell me its in my hands? thats so insane.. you really wouldnt lift a finger for me. hhhh.. capenya.. but i dont wanna resent anymore.. i dont wanna suffer anymore… i dont wanna think about this anymore.. you broke me and then you left me but after you left you broke me a thousand times over to the point where i believed i have never really known the real you. stayed cz of my love.. will go cz i also needed to be loved
remember when we were in the car hugging each other & i told you ‘i think god created me just for you’ and you stayed silent.. can you believe you had someone like that and you threw them away?
